In conversation with Kim Eerdekens: Overcoming fear by turning inward

In this post, my first interview, I'm going to delve deeper with Kim about her past experience with Anxiety. Kim had suffered from anxiety and existential life questions from a young age, and throughout her life learned to look at this more deeply and deal with it more and more consciously and effectively, until she finally found the strength within herself to overcome the anxiety, and be more in connection with herself than ever before.

1. Hello Kim! Please briefly introduce who you are and what you do:

My name is Kim, I am 41 years old and I am a real estate clerk. I am divorced 2 years ago and have a daughter of 9. Now with Corona I have a lot of freedom because I work from home and I like that very much. I work from home and that gives me a lot of freedom which I enjoy very much. Taking a walk or a meditation in between,... Then I can really recharge so that I stay in balance much better.

2. What has been your biggest mental challenge and what caused it?

With me it was mostly fear. For me this fear started at a very young age with questions about where we come from and why we are here, really the kind of existential questions that you also mentioned. I found life in itself really scary and was also convinced that I would never get out of here and this has persisted for quite a long time. At a certain point it got so bad that I really started to feel bad and noticed that I really had to do something about it and so I actually started to look further into myself.

3. What was the moment you looked for help?

The first time was very strange because I was obviously very young, but I know I went to my mom and said I felt really bad and I needed help. I was really terrified and that first moment is now thirty years ago but then we started looking for help and that's actually where it started.

4. How did you find within yourself the strength to deal with this and overcome your fear?

Eventually I ended up with a coach who was also very much into spirituality and so on, and that really clicked well. That's how I really started to turn around and face my fears instead of always running away from them. By really actively tackling the problem and looking inside myself for the cause of my fears, I started to deal with my fears and existential questions in a very spiritual and conscious way.
Then I also went to a training in Holland, 'Ander Leven' (Different Life), where I learned a lot about the influence of my thinking and convictions on my feelings and life. When I came out of it I really felt that I was rid of it for good and that it would never bother me again, which ultimately made me very disappointed in myself when things got worse, as if I had failed. But then my coach helped me a lot with this by showing me that I had to regain confidence in myself and that I could do it and that one relapse does not mean I have to start all over again. I then turned back into myself in the same way and looked fear fully in the eye again, while tuning in to the energy that I wanted to feel, not the low energy that was keeping me prisoner. By distancing myself from my thoughts and making the choice not to be absorbed in them, I found that I gained control of my feelings and was able to bring myself back to peace. Not by running away from the feeling, but by sitting with it and embracing it.

5. How have you changed as a person since your great awakening? Who was Kim before and who is Kim now?

I started living much more consciously. I used to just go off on impulse and experience a lot of stress. I didn't realize how bad it was for myself to experience so much stress and so I became much more absorbed in my surroundings and thoughts. So now I am much calmer and 'accepting' and am extremely grateful that this all happened. I wouldn't want to turn it back because I learned an awful lot from it and it really made me grow as a person so it has ultimately been a blessing that has made me a better person. In a moment of fear or challenge like that, you MUST deal with this and do something with it, which will also make you come back much stronger in your shoes afterwards.

6. Do you still experience your issues at times and how do you deal with them?

This is something I recently talked about with my coach. She said that it is possible that I have indeed had the worst and that I am now free of it for good, but it is also possible that it will return. We are only human, we cannot be 'übermen' who never experience fear or difficulties. So relapsing or getting stuck is still occasionally part of the process but instead of letting it stop me from enjoying life and holding on to a low feeling and inability, I accept it when it occasionally comes up and just go on doing my thing. In this way I also notice that the fear simply goes away because I no longer give it attention and I spend more energy on other, more positive things. With my free will I can just be the person I want to be. So the occasional bit of fear doesn't have to stop my life anymore.

7. How do you notice that your environment and life has subsequently changed externally? Have you attracted things?

Yes, especially in the last year and a half since I really started to be active with manifesting and spirituality, I notice that especially the people around me have changed enormously. I notice for example that I attract like-minded people and in this way I have already experienced wonderful things. For example, I once contacted an author who had written a book about fear and, on impulse, I also included my story in the email. For a moment I doubted whether I should do it because my ego was holding me back with thoughts like "what's he going to gain from that", but in the end I followed my heart and had an incredibly beautiful encounter with the writer. Not only that, but I ended up posting his book in my facebook group that I had started to share inspiring stories and things with as many people as possible, and so ten more people bought his book and really got a lot out of this. This again motivated the author to keep sharing his story and so I found myself very grateful that I had initially contacted the author. I notice that the more I follow my feelings and support people who inspire me and make me feel good, the more I feel that I am really doing something good and therefore I attract them more.
And another thing very funny: I was just thinking yesterday that I also liked it so much that I got in touch with you and was still thinking that it would be so nice to see each other or video chat sometime, and just after that you sent me a message for this interview! So there you have it!

8. What has been your most important life lesson yet?

That everything happens for a reason and that you have to embrace and accept everything that comes your way. Everything I have already experienced has already brought me to where I am today, including my fears and challenges, and so we must always accept this moment as it is.

9. Do you have a spiritual practice?

Yes, I meditate every day through the app 'meditation moments' or just on myself in silence or with background music. I also do affirmations to affirm certain positive thoughts in myself and so I can connect to a positive energy.
Affirmations I use for example are "I am energy" or "I am already whole". When I notice that I have anxiety, I know that this is not positive energy and I refocus on my inner self and the love within.

10. How do you envision your future? What is your life purpose beyond that?

I hope that I can continue to grow in what I am doing now. I find that my next mission in life is to bring light to people and still follow my feelings in this, for example, to do more volunteer work, which I have also recently started. My goal is to further connect people and spread positivity.